A year ago I started the development of my podcast 'Anonymous Dancer'. My initial thought was that it was going to be a continuation of my 'get everyone dancing' practice of previous years using new technology. But I soon found that initiative did not reflect where I was. I was, I am exhausted. Domesticity, even poorly done, is physically exhausting. Add poverty to the mix and there is very little left. My first residency week at the Work Room was largely spent lying on the floor it being the first time I didn't have to spin around and micromanage my bear cub and stay afloat, physically, mentally, emotionally.
One year later, thanks to the Work Room I have completed a series of mini-podcasts exploring the hidden choreography of Motherhood. I call it hidden because it is rarely thought of existing as it does in a whirlwind of must do. Existing as it does to keep our world spinning. We do it, anonymously and constantly as we have for centuries with no breaks or rewards. I listened to a podcast recently about Benjamin's Franklin's Sister, Jane - the self made man would not have gotten anywhere without her. Yet where is she in our history books? Where are all the women, the carers, the mothers who have birthed these 'great' men?
On the other hand as a solo Mother the only representation I see of 'my kind' is derogatory, inflammatory at worst, grotesque at it's best - never accurately portrayed. I see men write what they think of me which is a far far flung truth from the soul aching determination and dedication I have to RAISE my son. My commitment that he will rise beyond all expectation. That he will rise and be better then the man he follows. That he will rise and be a kind man, a generous man, a listening man. That he will rise and share in the domestic life to the benefit of whomever he chooses to make a family with.
And I am rising with him. As I tend to the minutae of life I know these small bends are tending the soil for both our lives. And I write on that great dance we do in those micro moments and celebrate all the Anonymous with me.
Listen to 'Anonymous Dancer' Live on 87.9FM Tuesday the 13 November 2017 11am (Glasgow) or http://radiophrenia.scot/ worldwide.