Day three of the residency - I was a bit ‘blah’ - studio was cold (only realised the radiators weren’t turned on half way through the day numpty!) - and I was tired… and in a thinking rather than thinking mood. I find it easier to articulate where I’ve been then where I’m going these days- feel as though have big mental block of some variety. That said have created 85 kitchen dances, so shouldn’t be so hard on myself!
Got thinking about this idea of ‘wild’. I read sometime ago how the notion of ‘wildness’ had become subverted with the advent of the industrial age. When we were in communion with Mama Earth, nomadic, ruled by her rhythms and whims - wild was balance. In today’s context wild is considered ‘out of control’ - rather than flowing with the elements. It is a move away from the intuitive into the ordered, and determined and fits more readily into a capitalist economy and society.
Walt Whitman (cited in earlier blog) once said ‘Someday there will be no need for religion, every (man) will be (his) own religion’ - I get that. I believe the key to these things is being in sync with our environments - which is a bit impossible given societal expectations and responsibilities.
So much of my dance practice has been inspired by my environment - I wonder if today’s lag (outside of the cold and sleep deprivation) is because I am in a blank space. For me this means stillness.
In my kitchen I am exploding, releasing after a day of holding, physically my toddler and emotionally mentally and all the rest as I manage our lives. Her I am in a bath of emptiness and it is bliss, yet I long for the outside. I long for the next kitchen, Broomielaw, gym studio, Sri Lankan beach…
So i have been reviewing all the films - placing them into categories, or starting to (there are A LOT)
I ask questions...
Why do people participate?
Think about the differences between
Public/Private space (internally/externally)
Starting to look at being a single Mum - I avoid that one - I am one - I live it - but the reality and study of it makes me want to cry - that makes me angry that I have something deep inside of me that feels my circumstances a failure. This is not what I imagined for my life, but then who does?