Cell Sanctuary

3 Jul 2014

At 10pm at night I begin my dance.  It is a tired time for me, after a non-stop 16 hour day of domestic chores, running after toddler, thinking about the next day or weeks activities, ad infinitum.

 

I dance in my kitchen - dishes piled in drainboard, the oven needs cleaning, my feet stick to the floor - remnants of my son's snack time.  I am wearing - well whatever I happen to be wearing - there can be no preparation no pause to my dance. 

 

Timer goes ON and I GO.  I only have 30 minutes.  30 minutes before I crash down in tiredness.  And I don't know the songs, most times.  I don't *think* about what I am doing - I just go. 

 

I wonder -

"are my dances all the same growing out of this tired daily flow?" 

"does it really matter, me dancing in my kitchen like this"?

"WHY AM I DOING THIS GO TO BED"

 

But I said I'd do it - so I go.  I move.  My head sometimes can hardly hold up, but I go.  Such a far cry to previous dances.

 

So - alone.  In my cell.  My Mother-cell. 

 

I don't think most realize how lonely being a single Mum is -isolating.  You lose friends. Not intentionally - people drop - because my life doesn't match to what it matched before - I can't keep up and others don't think to (or can't) adapt.  Even this dance is the sacrifice of another hour of sleep.

 

So WHY do it?  Because I must do something - to change the energy - to be MYSELF again.  And I think there must be others out there like me.  Others whose lives are so full of responsibility they forget themselves.  So I start the dance.  And I'm thankful for it - because I realize the privilege and beauty to my previous dances in a whole new way. 

 

I think about the fine line between a cell and a sanctuary.  And I am determined to transition my containment to liberation.   

 

A wise-woman once told me that 'Hope Dances' - and so I do.

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